went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
