I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
