boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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