if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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