what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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