I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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