No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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