remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
