why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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