remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
