Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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