ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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