dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
