im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
no, he came in my armpit
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
two words: eviction party
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
