You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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