she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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