I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
