Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
