I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
