I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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