no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
