Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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