I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
