yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
