New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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