there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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