i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
