alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
