i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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