she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
