I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
