morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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