sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
