Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
