im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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