I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
