My liver just broke up with me...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
