Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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