Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
