it hurts more in the daytime
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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