think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
