i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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