its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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