Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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