My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
