I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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