My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
