I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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