i think my mom watched the whole time
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
