So drunk its hurt
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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