I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
